Don't Poke the Bear!

This morning my family decided to play a little game called “How many times can we wake up mom before 7am” It is a potentially lethal game of chance in which participants take turns waking me from REM until I snap and end a life. It can be compared in danger to Russian roulette or highway traffic dodging; only this game is much more dangerous.

6:20am- High pitch shrilling filled the house for 5 straight minutes while my husband tries to find a way to remove the battery from the malfunctioning fire alarm outside our bedroom door, waking the ENTIRE household.

6:30am- I reenter REM

6:35am- My 9 year old stares at me from the side of my bed until her eyes bore a hole in my subconscious and I wake with a start. She asks if we are still safe without the fire alarm…something her father could have easily answered.

6:38am –I reenter REM

6:45am- My 15 year old bangs her way through my darkened room and into my bathroom to retrieve a makeup remover wipe- I greeted her with an angry growl and red glowing eyes.

6:47am – I reenter REM

6:48-6:52am –I wake up to the sound of the treadmill downstairs thud, thud, thud while my husband gets in his daily run….it’s sickening. I get out of bed and cover the heater vent with his pillow and return to bed…the animal stirs within me.

6:55am- I reenter REM

7:00am- My husband obviously delusional from his run, reenters the bedroom and approaches my side of the bed. My innocent face gives him hope for his mortality and touches my cheek while muttering “I’m leaving for work now, I came to say goodbye” He is too close & I can smell his fear… it overwhelms me. I struggle to contain my sleep deprived anger but it is futile and I attack like a predator. It is over in minutes. Lucky for him my leg gets twisted in the sheets and he make a mad dash for the door, dives into the hallway and slams the door shut behind him.

Emerging from my room 10 minutes later grumpy and disoriented, I scrounged for a nearby crayon and a stray piece of paper and scribbled across the page “DON’T POKE THE BEAR” then attached it to my bedroom door using chewing gum.

Family…consider yourselves duly warned….