A few weeks ago a lady that my husband works with, asked if she could hire me to make 48 Trojan cupcakes and 40 white/dark chocolate dipped strawberries for an upcoming baby shower she was hosting. I enthusiastically said "Yes!" delighted for the opportunity.
She requested that I coordinate the cupcake colors so that they would match the brown and dusky blue of the shower invitation, so I immediately went to work scouring the internet looking for the PERFECT cupcake liners. After 3 hours of scrutinizing hundreds of patterns and designs I was temporarily cross eyed and had ordered 6 different kinds of liners unsure of which would match EXACTLY. I needed 48 liners so of course I ordered 300 ......seemed reasonable at the time.
Along with finding the perfect liners, I also had to match the frosting color to the blue found on the invitation. I'm a little obsessive about getting colors right, so I added 5 different blue dyes to my shopping cart hoping the variety would guarantee an exact match.
For days I dreamed about finding precise color combinations. Every morning I woke irritated and unfortunately my family took the brunt of my color combination frustrations. " Kaila honey, I know you want to color that pumpkin purple but please use orange....just for this week ok?", "Makenna, please don't wear brown shoes with black pants....it just isn't right", "Danny white socks with dress pants....really? REALLY!?" Their creative color choices were maddening!!
The day before the baby shower I woke early and organized all my supplies. I hurried my loin nuggets off to be educated, did some light stretching (baking is a total body workout) and called my mom for moral support.
Focused and determined I grabbed my spatula and attacked the cupcakes with great fervor! 4 hours in, my mixer began to smoke and I noticed a tender spot on my right hand. A blister was inevitable. But still I persevered.
48 cupcakes down, 45 strawberries to go. I worked like a well oiled dipping machine! Pounds of white and dark chocolate melted with precise expertise, Strawberries swirled in lakes of chocolate goodness then adorned with coordinating drizzle. It was an unusually messy process and when all 45 strawberries were finished and sitting in an orderly line, I noticed my kitchen looked like a crime scene. My walls and table covered in chocolate blood splatter. I licked a clump off my counter like Hannibal Lecter.....it was delicious.
I tucked my little culinary masterpieces into their perspective cookie sheets with wax paper and prepared myself for the most difficult mission I had yet to face....transporting. With 15 minutes till departure I briefed Danny on the difficulty of our mission. We must get all goodies to the designated drop off zone without disturbing their sensitive frosting tops. After all presentation is everything!
I assigned Danny to be the driver with STRICT instructions- NO pot holes, NO going over 30 miles an hour (even when people honk), NO braking fast, and finally- NO rap music (nothing to do with the goodies ....I just don't like it)
I excepted the task of cupcake quality control manager....the Navy Seals of the pastry world. The entire trip I would be dangling over the back seats of our minivan upside down; each hand securely fastened between two cookie sheets making sure that each had their own "personal space".
While we drove I yelled warnings in Danny's direction. "TOO FAST! The cupcakes are sliding against each other, FOCUS MAN, FOCUS!" During one crazed corner two cupcakes smashed against each other like two horny teenagers in a mosh pit. "Hey Maniac!” I hollered "We are not racing in the Indy 500! That turn just broke off one of the chocolate hearts!!" It was a good thing I had packed extra chocolate hearts. Boy scouts and bakers should always prepared.
Once he had stopped at a light, I contorted my body so that I could see what was causing him to drive so insanely. There he sat with the cell phone in his hand taking pictures of my gluteus maximus which hovered over the rear passenger seat. "ERASE those immediately!" I shrieked, helplessly frozen in my current position.
Danny apparently couldn't hear me over the radio. It seemed he had turned it up and directed it so that the speakers blasted the rear of the van. "Is that RAP music?" I said with as much loathing as I could muster with all the blood rushing to my head in my inverted position "If I had an extra cupcake I would throw it at your head!!" I threatened. The music was loud but I swear I heard chuckling from the front seat.
We arrived with only one casualty. I preformed last rights....for both Danny and the fallen chocolate heart garnish, then triumphantly carried in the survivors. We were greeted by a dozen sugar deprived women. They all swarmed around with "oohs and awes" hungrily eyeing the delicacies.
On my way out I couldn't help but glance over my shoulder one last time at my unsuspecting cupcake babies....I gave birth only yesterday and we were already saying goodbye.
"You are fired as my driver" I said glaring at Danny as we headed to the van.
"That's ok" he grinned looking at the booty pics he had taken of me with the phone "I'm thinking of becoming a photographer and selling my art at the farmers market"
I punched him hard on the shoulder....which I am happy to say left a little blue bruise the EXACT shade of the cupcake frosting.....
I told you I'm good with colors.
She requested that I coordinate the cupcake colors so that they would match the brown and dusky blue of the shower invitation, so I immediately went to work scouring the internet looking for the PERFECT cupcake liners. After 3 hours of scrutinizing hundreds of patterns and designs I was temporarily cross eyed and had ordered 6 different kinds of liners unsure of which would match EXACTLY. I needed 48 liners so of course I ordered 300 ......seemed reasonable at the time.
Along with finding the perfect liners, I also had to match the frosting color to the blue found on the invitation. I'm a little obsessive about getting colors right, so I added 5 different blue dyes to my shopping cart hoping the variety would guarantee an exact match.
For days I dreamed about finding precise color combinations. Every morning I woke irritated and unfortunately my family took the brunt of my color combination frustrations. " Kaila honey, I know you want to color that pumpkin purple but please use orange....just for this week ok?", "Makenna, please don't wear brown shoes with black pants....it just isn't right", "Danny white socks with dress pants....really? REALLY!?" Their creative color choices were maddening!!
The day before the baby shower I woke early and organized all my supplies. I hurried my loin nuggets off to be educated, did some light stretching (baking is a total body workout) and called my mom for moral support.
Focused and determined I grabbed my spatula and attacked the cupcakes with great fervor! 4 hours in, my mixer began to smoke and I noticed a tender spot on my right hand. A blister was inevitable. But still I persevered.
48 cupcakes down, 45 strawberries to go. I worked like a well oiled dipping machine! Pounds of white and dark chocolate melted with precise expertise, Strawberries swirled in lakes of chocolate goodness then adorned with coordinating drizzle. It was an unusually messy process and when all 45 strawberries were finished and sitting in an orderly line, I noticed my kitchen looked like a crime scene. My walls and table covered in chocolate blood splatter. I licked a clump off my counter like Hannibal Lecter.....it was delicious.
I tucked my little culinary masterpieces into their perspective cookie sheets with wax paper and prepared myself for the most difficult mission I had yet to face....transporting. With 15 minutes till departure I briefed Danny on the difficulty of our mission. We must get all goodies to the designated drop off zone without disturbing their sensitive frosting tops. After all presentation is everything!
I assigned Danny to be the driver with STRICT instructions- NO pot holes, NO going over 30 miles an hour (even when people honk), NO braking fast, and finally- NO rap music (nothing to do with the goodies ....I just don't like it)
I excepted the task of cupcake quality control manager....the Navy Seals of the pastry world. The entire trip I would be dangling over the back seats of our minivan upside down; each hand securely fastened between two cookie sheets making sure that each had their own "personal space".
While we drove I yelled warnings in Danny's direction. "TOO FAST! The cupcakes are sliding against each other, FOCUS MAN, FOCUS!" During one crazed corner two cupcakes smashed against each other like two horny teenagers in a mosh pit. "Hey Maniac!” I hollered "We are not racing in the Indy 500! That turn just broke off one of the chocolate hearts!!" It was a good thing I had packed extra chocolate hearts. Boy scouts and bakers should always prepared.
Once he had stopped at a light, I contorted my body so that I could see what was causing him to drive so insanely. There he sat with the cell phone in his hand taking pictures of my gluteus maximus which hovered over the rear passenger seat. "ERASE those immediately!" I shrieked, helplessly frozen in my current position.
Danny apparently couldn't hear me over the radio. It seemed he had turned it up and directed it so that the speakers blasted the rear of the van. "Is that RAP music?" I said with as much loathing as I could muster with all the blood rushing to my head in my inverted position "If I had an extra cupcake I would throw it at your head!!" I threatened. The music was loud but I swear I heard chuckling from the front seat.
We arrived with only one casualty. I preformed last rights....for both Danny and the fallen chocolate heart garnish, then triumphantly carried in the survivors. We were greeted by a dozen sugar deprived women. They all swarmed around with "oohs and awes" hungrily eyeing the delicacies.
On my way out I couldn't help but glance over my shoulder one last time at my unsuspecting cupcake babies....I gave birth only yesterday and we were already saying goodbye.
"You are fired as my driver" I said glaring at Danny as we headed to the van.
"That's ok" he grinned looking at the booty pics he had taken of me with the phone "I'm thinking of becoming a photographer and selling my art at the farmers market"
I punched him hard on the shoulder....which I am happy to say left a little blue bruise the EXACT shade of the cupcake frosting.....
I told you I'm good with colors.
You are too funny :) So creative with your baking, and with your choice of words :) Inspiration girl...you are, inspiring.
ReplyDeleteThanks Candi!! You are SO SWEET!!
ReplyDeleteexcellent, makes me wish I was a fly on the windshield!
ReplyDelete"Loin nuggets" - ha ha!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to stop telling you "Gorgeous Pics!" everytime you snap your baking and chocolatiering. But know ye this, you .. make .. me .. HUNGRY FOR THE GOOD STUFF !!!
Your story, as usual, gives me the perspective of being an invisible pixie perched on your shoulder watching everything unfold. Thank you for this blog.