Doggie Bag Dilemma

I have not eaten leftovers from a restaurant for over 10 years now.

It is not that I wouldn’t like to place the remainder of my pasta or Panini in a doggie bag- Oh no, I have every desire to reheat and devour my unfinished meal as a late night snack or a mid morning treat, but alas it’s a silly girls farfetched dream. Let me explain.

I come from a family of 6 kids. Dinner time resembled a scene from the book "The lord of the flies". The older kids pushed and shoved grabbing the biggest and best of whatever happened to be on the menu that night. The smallest of the family were saved from certain starvation by my mother who had portioned and precut their meals separately allowing for extra cooling time.

It was my sister and I (the middle children) that had to resort to tactical measures, such as creative distractions and booby traps, which provided us precious seconds to snatch handfuls of whatever food was within arm’s length and flee as a way of survival. In my early years is where I learned to eat as much as I could as fast as I could….oh and how to run a thermometer under hot water to fake sick and play hooky…two very important lessons.

Dating was a great change of pace for me –no longer did I have the need to wolf down my meals with lighting speed. Something I realized by accident, when I observed the shocked look on my date’s face after I unhinged my jaw and consumed half a hot pastrami sandwich in a single bite on our first date. Lucky for me he saw passed this flaw and provided me several more practice meals in return for sparkling conversation, oh and maybe a kiss or two.

I quickly fell into a comfortable routine of daintily eating at restaurants while maintaining my feminine exterior and then finishing whatever I had packed home in the comforts of my flannel Pjs and late night talk shows.

And so years passed and my casual cuisine routine settled into second nature…until I married Danny. I love my husband that goes without question. I have never met another human being that does not take to heart the saying “what mine is yours, and what yours is mine”  The only problem is when this comes to food I do not agree with his enthusiasm for sharing.

He is and will always be a FAST eater. One time I was privy to him eating a 1lb fully loaded hamburger at Fuddruckers in under 3 minutes (see pic below). Most people would want to hurl or at least lie down after such a meal marathon but not Danny, within 30 minutes he was suggesting they order dessert. He is the star of his own “Man Verse Food” episode and more often than not in his case ‘MAN’ wins.

This weekend was a perfect example of my delimma. Within seconds of Danny finishing his meal I could feel the predatory stare of his inner carnivore shift in my direction. His plate held nothing but a parsley sprig and a lone tomato but mine was still filled with delicious food.

“Umm are you going to eat that?” he asks eyeing my steak, his fingers inching towards my side of the table. I quickly move my plate 2 additional inches out of his line of vision, using my arm to cover my food protectively and continued my sensible reasoning on why it was important to have heels in both Black AND Brown.

The longer it takes me to finish my meal the more desperate Danny gets . Before long he has finished off what remains of the bread basket and asks for his water glass to be filled 3 more times, much to the annoyance of our waitress.

 I pick at my seasoned mashed potatoes and tell him about my amusing mix up between fabric softener and laundry detergent earlier that day- Hilarious!

He fidgets, eyeing my pink steak hungrily like a red eyed vampire. His posture resembles a low crouching puma ready to pounce.

Feeling full…and slightly scared that he could snap at any second, misjudge the distance and sink his teeth into my arm, I take pity on him and slide my plate across the table.

 Innocently he looks surprised “You’re done? Are you sure?” He asks barely audible through a mouth full of medium rare steak and potatoes.  I nod amused.

 Exactly 2 minutes later we are signing the check and preparing to leave. There is no doggie bag in site, no late night meal or mid morning treat in my future.  But none-the-less we have everything we need- full bellies and each other (Plus a roll that I hide in my pocket while he went to the bathroom, Shhhh!)